A Cornish Tale about Our L\u2019il Village by Sal Tregenna.<\/p>\n
Well me deers, be th\u2019 time you reeds this \u2018twull be Chresmus Eve, an\u2019 you\u2019ll oll be reddy vur Chresmus, an\u2019 th\u2019 deer cheldern \u2018ll be bustin\u2019 wi\u2019 eggzitemint, an\u2019 countin\u2019 th\u2019 minnits till baid-time zo\u2019s they can \u2018itch up their stockin\u2019s! An\u2019 I\u2019m sure I \u2018opes they\u2019ll all be vulled up, an\u2019 bustin\u2019 wi\u2019 gude things, iss fay, I do.
\nAn\u2019 now, zeein\u2019 that Chresmus iz a cheldern\u2019s time, an\u2019 that there would\u2019n be no Chresmus wo\u2019th kippin\u2019 up, if twadden vur cheldern, I\u2019m gain \u2018rite speshal vur they theze time. I\u2019m gain to tell \u2018em a li\u2019l story \u2018bout wot \u2018appened one Chresmus yurs ogo, to two deer li\u2019l cheldern who \u2018ad vound out th\u2019 rail mainin\u2019 o\u2019 Chrestmus, an\u2019 tiz a story that\u2019ll do you grawed-up ones gude, too, if you mine to reed it! Th\u2019 story begins in th\u2019 vitty way, like all gude stories do. \u201cOnce upon a time, there lived in a li\u2019l cottage, in a deer li\u2019l village, a man an\u2019 \u2018is wife, an\u2019 the\u2019r two li\u2019l cheldern, Tom an\u2019 Mary. Tom wuz nine an\u2019 Mary wuz just \u2018bout eight, an\u2019 the\u2019r Daddy used to wurk on a varm, zo you can vancy Tom an\u2019 Mary wadden used to no gurt luxuries. Plain an\u2019 zimple vare, an\u2019 plain an\u2019 zimple lives wuz the\u2019r lot, but you would\u2019n mit wi\u2019 two \u2018appier cheldern net if you travelled th\u2019 wide wurld auver.\u201d
\nCHRESMUS.
\nWell, Chresmus wuz dra\u2019in\u2019 near, an\u2019 like all other cheldern, Tom an\u2019 Mary wuz purty an\u2019 egg-zited wunderin\u2019 wot Vather Chresmus wuz gain put in the\u2019r stockins. Every aimen arter zupper wuz auver, they\u2019d all zet roun\u2019 th\u2019 vire, an\u2019 Tom an\u2019 Mary would holler up th\u2019 chembley an\u2019 tell \u2018Zanta\u2019 wot they\u2019d like. Tom allus wanted a train, an\u2019 Mary allus wanted a dolly, among other things. One aivmen while this yur game wuz gain on Tom\u2019s Vather zed, \u201cMt deer cheldern, hev\u2019ee ever stopt to think \u2018ow menny cheldern there iz in th\u2019 wurld, an\u2019 \u2018ow menny stockin\u2019s pore ole Vather Chresmus hev got to vull up! If I wuz you I should\u2019n go axing vur too mutch, cuz th\u2019 pore ole man wont be able to car\u2019 it all.\u201d \u201cBut Jackie Mason zed Zanta wuz gain bring \u2018e a bike, an\u2019 a train an\u2019 lines, an\u2019 a grannyfone, an\u2019 \u2018underds o\u2019 things bezides dedden \u2018a Ton?\u201d squeaks Mary, \u201cIss, \u2018e ded,\u201d zes Tom, \u201can\u2019 like I zed to\u2019n, I doant zee why \u2018e should bring zo menny gude things to \u2018e an\u2019 poke me an\u2019 Mary off wi\u2019 a li\u2019l ole zixpenny toy aich, like \u2018e ded las\u2019 yur!\u201d Tom\u2019s Mammy zed, \u201cWell, my deer, Jackie Mason idden strong an\u2019 well like you be, an\u2019 p\u2019raps Zanta Claus brings \u2018e bedder things becuz th\u2019 poer li\u2019l chap iz zo poorly zumtimes. Wot do you think Daddy?\u201d An\u2019 Daddy zed that wuz th\u2019 rayson, vur zartin. Then Mary zed, \u201cAw, but Mam, Jackie Mason zed Zanta allus brings a present vur \u2018is Mammy an\u2019 \u2018is Daddy bezides all wot \u2018e brings vure \u2018e. Why doant \u2018a bring presents vur you an\u2019 Dad?\u201d \u201cVur th\u2019 very zame rayson deers,\u201d zes the\u2019r Mammy. \u201cI deer zay Zanta knaws wot a trial tiz to Maister an\u2019 Missus Mason to hev a pore dillykit li\u2019l boy to look arter, an\u2019 \u2018e laives a present vur they too, to cheer \u2018em up.\u201d Then \u2018er put away \u2018er medin\u2019 an\u2019 waint to git th\u2019 candel to put Tom an\u2019 Mary to baid. An\u2019 while \u2018er wuz out in th\u2019 back house the\u2019r Dad zed, \u201cYou cheldern could zave up enny odd coppers you gits between now an\u2019 Chresmus an\u2019 buy a li\u2019l present vur yur Man. You can do it all up nice, an\u2019 us\u2019ll put it in a stockin\u2019 an\u2019 \u2018ang it up vur \u2018er, all vitty. Aunly you mus;n squeak a wurd \u2018bout it! Us\u2019ll kip it a luvly zecret, us dree!\u201d Th\u2019 cheldern wuz delited, an\u2019 waint off to baid vull o\u2019 gurt plans. \u201cAn I\u2019ll teel\u2019ee wot, Mary,\u201d whispered Tom, jist avore they avore they valled off to slaip. \u201cIf us can git enough munney us\u2019ll git zummin\u2019 vur Dad, too, an\u2019 gi\u2019e \u2018e gran\u2019 s\u2019prize too.\u201d
\nCHOOZIN\u2019 TH\u2019 PRESENTS.
\nWell, th\u2019 weeks waint by, an\u2019 twuz the\u2019 day avore Chresmus Eve. Tom an\u2019 Mary \u2018ad zaved up all their odd coppers, an\u2019 they \u2018ad th\u2019 gran\u2019 zum o\u2019 eighteen pence. Course, that doant zim a gurt lot, but it ded to they, cuz they wadden used to hevin\u2019 much munney. In th\u2019 arternune they waint down an\u2019 glazed in th\u2019 shop winders, an tried to make up the\u2019r minds wot to buy. An\u2019 at las\u2019 they dezided on a luvly brown taypot vur the\u2019r Mammy, wi\u2019 a ring o\u2019 roses roun\u2019 un. \u201cI knaw \u2018er wants a new one,\u201d zed Tom, \u201ccuz there\u2019s a bit knacked off th\u2019 spout o\u2019 th\u2019 ole one, an\u2019 \u2018e dribbles moast \u2018orrable, an\u2019 I yurd \u2018er zay to Dad \u2018er wished \u2018er could \u2018voard a new one. Bedder go in an\u2019 ax \u2018ow mutch \u2018e iz.\u201d Zo in they goes an\u2019 axed th\u2019 price o\u2019 th\u2019 tay pot, an\u2019 when th\u2019 wummin zed \u2018e wuz two shellin\u2019s, they wuz reddy to cry. \u201cTwo shellin\u2019s!\u201d zed Mary, when they cum outside, \u201can\u2019 us aunly got one an\u2019 six an\u2019 bezides there\u2019s Dad\u2019s present to think \u2018bout,\u201d Then Tom \u2018ad a brainwave. \u201cNever mine, Mary, le\u2019s go roun\u2019 zingin carrels, an\u2019 try to git a mite more!\u201d \u201cBut I can\u2019t ha\u2019f zing; you knaw that,\u201d zed Mary, \u201cwi\u2019 th\u2019 teers rinnin\u2019 down \u2018er vaace. You allus zes I makes \u2018ee all out.! \u201cNever min,\u201d zes Tom, \u201cle\u2019s try it!\u201d Zo arter a brave ole disheusshun they dezided to make a stert down to th\u2019 Squire\u2019s zoon\u2019s ever it got dummitty. \u201cAn\u2019 zeein\u2019 tedden railly Chresmus till tomorrah, p\u2019raps us shall be th\u2019 vust to go roun\u2019,\u201d zes Tom.
\n\u201cGUDE KING WINKLE-LASS!\u201d
\nAn\u2019 zo \u2018bout a hour arter, two li\u2019l tremblin\u2019 cheldern creeped up th\u2019 Squire\u2019s drife, droo th\u2019 rain, an\u2019 th\u2019 vallin darkness, an\u2019 at las\u2019 vixed the\u2019r zels up outside a lighted winder in th\u2019 vrent o\u2019 th\u2019 houze. \u201cCum on, Mary, think o\u2019 thikky tay pot! Us got to give it lip if Mammy\u2019s gain hev er\u2019 Chresmus present!\u201d
\nAn then they putched up \u201cArk th\u2019 \u2018Eraid Angels zing.\u201d An\u2019 I\u2019m zure th\u2019 angels wuz lissenin\u2019, an\u2019 wuz well plaized wi\u2019 th\u2019e zingin\u2019, tho\u2019 twadden zackly in toon, an\u2019 tho\u2019 Mary\u2019s pore Li\u2019l voice wadden no more moozickal than a bee in a boddle! Ennyway, they got droo an\u2019 then th\u2019 dore opened an\u2019 th\u2019 Squire an\u2019 \u2018is Lady cum out. Mary would hev rinned away if Tom \u2018ad\u2019n hollered \u201cTay pot\u201d in \u2018er yur! \u201cWot ded\u2019ee zay?\u201d axed th\u2019 Squire\u2019s lady, lookin\u2019 very s\u2019prized. An\u2019 then it all cum out in a rush, an\u2019 Tom tould \u2018er \u2018oe they wanted to buy th\u2019 tay pot vur \u2018is Mam, an\u2019 zummin vur \u2018is Daddy, too. An\u2019 Squire put \u2018is \u2018and in \u2018is pocket an\u2019 gi\u2019ed Tom ha\u2019t-a-crown\u2019 \u201cBut you got to zing \u2018Gude King Winkle-lass\u2019 to me avore you go\u201d zes\u2019e \u201ccuz tha\u2019s th\u2019 one Ilike best.\u201d An\u2019 Tom an\u2019 Mary zinged wi\u2019 all their h\u2019arts, you may depained, an\u2019 then waint away ez proud ez if they awned th\u2019 parish.
\nBut when they got ha\u2019f way \u2018ome they \u2018ad to pass Widder Brown\u2019s Cottige, an\u2019 th\u2019 blind wadden dra\u2019ed, an\u2019 they could zee Widder Brown an\u2019 er\u2019 li\u2019l boy, Sanny, zettin\u2019 in th\u2019 virelight. \u201cLe\u2019s gi\u2019e \u2018em a carroll, Mary,\u201d zes Tom. \u201cIt might cheer em up, an\u2019 I doant spoase th\u2019 other carrell zingers stop yur, cuz they\u2019m too pore to gi\u2019e \u2018em ort.\u201d Zo they waint vore outside th\u2019 winder, an\u2019 jist ez they wuz gain putch up, they yurd Sam zay, \u201cI wish Zanta would bring me thikky moter up in shop winder, Ma.\u201d \u201cBut \u2018e costs a shellin\u2019 deer,\u201d zes Missus Brown, \u201czo \u2018e wont bring\u2019n vur zartin.\u201d An\u2019 then Tom zeed a gurt shinin\u2019 teerdrap vaal down in Missus Brown\u2019s lap. They creeped away, an\u2019 arter a minnit Tom zed, \u201cMary, if Zanta wont take thikky moter to Zammy, me an\u2019 you will! I doant b\u2019leeve Zanta knaws whare Zam lives, cuz \u2018e never gi\u2019ed\u2019n nort las\u2019 yur! Us got vower shellin\u2019s now. Tha\u2019s two shellin\u2019s vur Ma\u2019s taypot, an\u2019 a shellin\u2019 vur th\u2019 moter vur Zammy, an\u2019 that laives a shellin\u2019 vur Dad.\u201d Mary thort they ought to spaind th\u2019 zame on Dad\u2019s present ez they ded on Mam\u2019s, an\u2019 they \u2018ad a brave argeymint. But in th\u2019 aind they \u2018greed to go an\u2019 but th\u2019 taypot an\u2019 th\u2019 moter, an\u2019 try to git anether shellin\u2019 nex\u2019 day to make up Dad\u2019s munney. An\u2019 they never zeed a zilent vigger that wuz volleyin\u2019 \u2018em, an\u2019 lissennin\u2019 to all they wuz zayin\u2019!
\nBUYIN\u2019 TH\u2019 PRESENT!
\nA vew minits later they wuz in th\u2019 shop an\u2019 \u2018ad bout th\u2019 tay pot on\u2019 \u2018th moter, an\u2019 jist ez they wuz cummin out o\u2019 th\u2019 shop, they zeed th\u2019 Squire standin\u2019 inside th\u2019 dore! \u201cWell,\u201d zes \u2018e, \u201can\u2019 wot about a present vur yer Dad? I bin volleyin\u2019 ee, in\u2019 I knaw yer plans, me deers, iss I do! I thort I\u2019d make zure wot you wuz up to wi\u2019 yer munney, an\u2019 now I vend you heb\u2019n spaind it \u2018pon yerzells, I\u2019m gain \u2018elp \u2018ee to pick out a present vur yer Daddy!\u201d No wurds can tell \u2018ow glad th\u2019 cheldern wuz. In th\u2019 aind they bout a nice warm pare o\u2019 wool gloves ver th\u2019r Dad, an\u2019 Squire an\u2019 th\u2019 shop kipper \u2018elped \u2018em to tie up th\u2019 parcels, an\u2019 \u2018rite th\u2019 names all on \u2018em. Then they waint \u2018ome, an\u2019 smuggled th\u2019r parcels upstairs, an\u2019 \u2018eed \u2018em away under th\u2019 baid. Nex\u2019 aivmen ez zoon\u2019s it got dimmitty they snecked away off down Widder Brown\u2019s an\u2019 put th\u2019 parcel \u2018pon th\u2019 dore stap. Then they knacked th\u2019 dore an\u2019 rinned away, an\u2019 \u2018edd in th\u2019 bushed \u2018tother zide o\u2019 th\u2019 road. But they yurd Zammy\u2019s cries o\u2019 delight when they vound th\u2019 moter, an\u2019 they waint away \u2018ome to \u2018ang up the\u2019r awn stockin\u2019s. I wish you could hev bin there Chresmus mornin\u2019 when they waked up! Never in all the\u2019r lives \u2018ad Zanta gi\u2019ed \u2018em zo menny toys, \u2018an zitch gude ones. I guess that ole Squire must hev zeed Zanta zumwhere an\u2019 put in a gude wurd vur \u2018em! An\u2019 vur th\u2019r Mammy an\u2019 Daddy, well they wuz glad ouver th\u2019r presents, that they vairly cried wi\u2019 joy. An\u2019 later on, when they waint to Church Chresmus mornin\u2019 wi\u2019 th\u2019r Dad, they zeen Zammy Brown, an\u2019 \u2018e tould \u2018em that Zanta \u2018ad gi\u2019ed\u2019n a gran\u2019 moter, an\u2019 later on in th\u2019 aivmen \u2018e cum back agane an\u2019 brought a picture buke vur Zam, an\u2019 a gurt basket o\u2019 gude things vur Chresmus. That ole Squire agane. I should\u2019n wunder! I tell\u2019ee me deers, if you give th\u2019 right \u2018spirit o\u2019 Chresmus\u2019 there\u2019s no aind to\u2019t cuz other vokes catches th\u2019 infeckshun, too!<\/p>\n